


Tension, Relief

by Aleanbh, Savior of the Citadel (Aleanbh)



Series: Daedra Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light BDSM, PTSD, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 15:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3254906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleanbh/pseuds/Aleanbh, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleanbh/pseuds/Savior%20of%20the%20Citadel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard has trouble looking at open space, and Kaidan helps her find peace among the stars once more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tension, Relief

                "You weren't there when it happened!"  Shepard could hear Joker screaming from the elevator.  She broke out into a run when she heard Kaidan's voice raised in reply, but she couldn't make out the words over the roar of her biotics flaring to life.  Knowing those two and their tempers, she wasn't entirely certain what she was walk into.  "You could have saved her!"

                A small crowd had gathered a ways back from the pilot's chair, far enough so that they wouldn't be seen by the two men but close enough to catch every word.  _With how loud they're arguing,  you could have been down in the crew deck and hear them carrying on_. Shepard slowed as she approached, glancing over at Garrus who just shrugged, not sure how the confrontation got started himself.

                Joker was up in Kaidan's face, an accusing finger jabbing him in the chest.  "Where the fuck were you when she was spaced?" he shouted, eyes narrowed to near slits.  "Where were you when she _needed_ you!?"

                Kaidan's face was stone, and Shepard could see the blue aura of biotics beginning to flare up around him.  Joker's hand retracted as though he'd been burned and he took a step away from the other man, making a sound of disgust in the back of his throat.  The major's fists were balled, and as she got closer she could see how he trembled with the effort of not punching Joker in the face.

                "You know where I was," Kaidan said softly, neither of them noticing their commander approaching.  "The commander ordered me into the escape pod. Where you were _supposed_ to be."

                Joker recoiled as though he had been slapped, but before he could lunge at Kaidan Shepard wedged herself between the two of them. 

                "What the hell's going on here?" she demanded, her own biotics flaring in response to Kaidan's. "Both of you know better than to fight on my ship, so that's not what was going to happen here, now was it?"  Her voice was acidic as she glowered at Kaidan.

                 After a few moments, and with considerable effort, his biotics fizzled and he visibly relaxed.  "Of course not, Commander," he replied stiffly, his eyes never leaving Joker's face.

                "How can you stand it?!" Joker snarled, crossing his arms across his chest and shifting his weight. "He comes back on this fucking ship, acting like nothing happened. Like he didn't almost kill you on Horizon with all of his idiotic bullshit, questioning your loyalty after everything you've done?!"

                Kaidan's eyes flared blue for a moment and Shepard couldn't quite mask the hurt Joker's words did.

                "That doesn't matter and you know it," she said sternly. Despite her words, her stomach was tying itself into knots as she remembered that conversation, Kaidan's disgust and anger fresh in her memory. "We're not here to argue over hurt feelings or wounded pride. We're here to destroy the Reapers and we need to keep that goal in mind or we're all dead."

                They both had the decency to look chastised, yet Kaidan's eyes still had a tint of blue to them that betrayed his temper and Joker was still looking as though he was going to hurl himself at Kaidan any minute, broken bones be damned. Shepard's mask cracked down the middle, seeing these two at the other's throat and she gave a shuddering exhale, sagging against the wall and sliding down to the ground.

                "I can't afford this," she said softly, her voice muffled as she ran her hands over her face. "I need a team that can work together, not one that's trying to tear itself to pieces before we even get to the real enemy."

                Suddenly the three of them were alone.  Kaidan knelt down next to his Commander, reaching out and lightly touching her shoulder while Joker lowered himself back into his pilot's chair.  For a time, no one said a thing until Kaidan broke the silence.

                "I'm sorry."  His voice was thick with barely restrained emotion.  "I know I've been a complete ass."

                Joker snorted.  "Understatement of the century, ladies and gentlemen."  When he felt Daedra's biotics flare, he coughed and shifted in the pilot's seat uncomfortably.  "Right Commander, shutting up."

                "Good man," she replied, shakily getting to her feet.  Shepard turned her gaze to where EDI had been sitting silently throughout the argument.  "EDI, if anything requires immediate attention contact me.  Otherwise, I'm not to be disturbed until my normal hours tomorrow."

                "Of course, Commander."  The AI's voice was carefully neutral.  "Sleep well."

                Daedra's hand slid into Kaidan's, gently tugging him back toward the bridge.  Thankfully, the crowd from before had apparently dispersed to the Crew deck, only two or three individuals at their stations.  Once they were in the elevator and the doors slid closed, they both let their walls finally crumble.

                "I'm sorry."  Kaidan's voice cracked, the old sorrow bleeding through his carefully maintained composure.  "I can't count how many times I asked myself that very same question, and to have Joker--"

                "I know."  Shepard rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hands, exhaling in relief when the elevator doors slid open to reveal her quarters.  "It wasn't fair of him to say something like that."  She gave a cursory glance at the tablet on her desk before going down the stairs that lead to her bed.  "The Collectors were responsible for the Normandy's destruction and my..."  Her throat constricted on the word, her eyes flitting up toward the stars above.

                _Cold, so cold.  Can't breathe.  Can hear the line burst, can feel the air escaping into the void that is coming ever closer until it's--_

_Suffocating, desperate fingers clawing at her throat.  If there had been enough air she would have screamed, but she gagged on the lack of oxygen instead.  She can see the escape pods as they jettison away, the bloom of hope almost able to drown out the pain._

I saved him, that's all that _\---oblivion._

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote a few months back and finally decided to post. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
